As all of my friends know, I am single with no children. My Mom is my best friend and the spitting image of my father. The hardest part about this deployment is letting my mom know that I am as ready for this as I will ever be.
She posted this amazing blog on her myspace page, with an incredible poem for her. While she has sent her husband off to war, I don't think I ever realized how hard it was for her to send her baby girl.
Mommy, it seems like this morning that I called you from Jackson Hole to your office in Saudi. Yesterday I was bringing home McDonald's after my early morning English class. It was the day before that, that we had just started walking every morning. And it was only three days ago that we walked into the recruiter's office.
Last week, we were volunteering at the thrift store and found my prom dress, and only a month ago that I started my first job and I am pretty sure the same day you started to throw out those damn smelly sneakers!
But really, I know, that it was six and a half years ago, that you watched me raise my right hand.
We always knew this day would come. I have been trained by the best amongst the better to do this. This is my calling. I was raised well by you and daddy and brought up in a family of tradition, honor, legacy and pride.
With my most recent Army training, my years of field experience, and my the values you and Daddy have instilled in my, I am more than ready to take on the challenge that is ahead of me.
I love you more than anything in the world, While I might be just another Airman deploying, I am always your daughter.
I wish you enough. Believe me when I say, this will be fun.
Today, I deploy to Iraq.
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Friday, August 8, 2008
And the journey begins
I said that graduation was officially the 5th of August, but we had graduation on 4 Aug. I leave in just a few days. We are taking a bus to OK and then flying straight over from there.
I have a lot of anxiety. I can't believe it is finally here. The last month and half has gone by incredibly quickly and hope that is an indicator of the next year. My bags are packed. All that is left is some dirty laundry and my civilian clothes which I will just through away when I leave. However, I did pack my running shoes in the wrong bag. LOL.
Monday night was a great experiance. We had several personal trying (yes, trying after a couple cancelled flights I think they finally made it. ) leave at Oh dark thirty. I stayed up and hung out with them and helped them load everything up on the bus. It was a different type of good bye than those where you see someone off for a PCS. Some of them I had never talked to before and just decided to hang out with. It was human. It was nostalgic. It was memorable. We talked and laughed about anything and everything (except their bus departure or Iraq).
They ended up making it to Baltimore. A few of them had canceled flights in Chicago, they all had a canceled flight in Baltimore and a canceled flight in Ramstein. The bad experience of being on a broken plane in Germany is that you really can't go far. You must stay in the terminal and hurry up and wait for it to be fixed, because when they are ready to board, you better have been on that plane 15 minutes earlier.
I have made some amazing acquaintances and a few I think will become close and long term friends.
There has even been a guy that I wish that we had met under different circumstances. He's incredibly smart, by which he has a great sense to have a conversation and be patient. He is a Comm troop too. He was two classes ahead of me and stuck on what they call the "bench." That is where they train extra Army personnel in the event that someone gets hurt, gets out or for whatever reason cannot deploy (They only do this with Army). The downside to that, is that those on the bench have no idea where they are going, or when. They could be here sometimes up to a year and then have to deploy for a year. But of course, he has no idea that I have this little crush on him. :-)
I have run into a friend of mine from Korea. He was my next door neighbor back when I lived on the first floor. His wife is coming in tonight (in about an hour actually :-)).
Let's see what other crazy stuff has gone on... I got to fire a couple of foreign weapons, the M-2 and 240. Now that was cool! Makes me kind of want to be a gun owner. I would probably never fire them because I hate cleaning them.
Well, ladies and gents, here's to my last weekend in the US for a year. I love you and I miss you.
My head is down, I promise, no purple hearts.
I have a lot of anxiety. I can't believe it is finally here. The last month and half has gone by incredibly quickly and hope that is an indicator of the next year. My bags are packed. All that is left is some dirty laundry and my civilian clothes which I will just through away when I leave. However, I did pack my running shoes in the wrong bag. LOL.
Monday night was a great experiance. We had several personal trying (yes, trying after a couple cancelled flights I think they finally made it. ) leave at Oh dark thirty. I stayed up and hung out with them and helped them load everything up on the bus. It was a different type of good bye than those where you see someone off for a PCS. Some of them I had never talked to before and just decided to hang out with. It was human. It was nostalgic. It was memorable. We talked and laughed about anything and everything (except their bus departure or Iraq).
They ended up making it to Baltimore. A few of them had canceled flights in Chicago, they all had a canceled flight in Baltimore and a canceled flight in Ramstein. The bad experience of being on a broken plane in Germany is that you really can't go far. You must stay in the terminal and hurry up and wait for it to be fixed, because when they are ready to board, you better have been on that plane 15 minutes earlier.
I have made some amazing acquaintances and a few I think will become close and long term friends.
There has even been a guy that I wish that we had met under different circumstances. He's incredibly smart, by which he has a great sense to have a conversation and be patient. He is a Comm troop too. He was two classes ahead of me and stuck on what they call the "bench." That is where they train extra Army personnel in the event that someone gets hurt, gets out or for whatever reason cannot deploy (They only do this with Army). The downside to that, is that those on the bench have no idea where they are going, or when. They could be here sometimes up to a year and then have to deploy for a year. But of course, he has no idea that I have this little crush on him. :-)
I have run into a friend of mine from Korea. He was my next door neighbor back when I lived on the first floor. His wife is coming in tonight (in about an hour actually :-)).
Let's see what other crazy stuff has gone on... I got to fire a couple of foreign weapons, the M-2 and 240. Now that was cool! Makes me kind of want to be a gun owner. I would probably never fire them because I hate cleaning them.
Well, ladies and gents, here's to my last weekend in the US for a year. I love you and I miss you.
My head is down, I promise, no purple hearts.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
You're almost outta here.
I heard this sitting in front of the PX yesterday. Didn't I just get here! It's weird to think that it was indeed a month ago! Yes, I am almost out of Kansas. So far, only fifty three MILLION things have changed. My graduation day is officially 5 Aug. Now, when I will actually leave FOB Army Strong, as they call our little training area, is still up in the air.
We have been getting quite the run around between the USAF and USA trying to work together. Fortunately, on my level, I don't see as much as there actually is. I am currently using a lot of my down time to try and sort out all of my issued gear. I plan on snail mailing a lot of it over there (who needs cold weather gear in Iraq in AUGUST?), mostly for the sake of not having to lug it all over Kuwait and Iraq.
I know you all appreciate my incredible grace and love to poke fun at me any time you can. Well, my lucky readers, today is the golden opportunity. I gave myself a concussion. A mild one, albeit, but a concussion non-the less. You ready to hear how it happened? I hit my head on the bunk bed! Yes, that is my combat training injury. I am fine now, and the bruising has went away.
I'm not sure what class is on the calender for tomorrow, but on Thursday we get to spend the entire day out at the range. We will leave around 08 and be back in about 03! Yippeeee! It's army training on the pop up targets.
My back, neck and shoulders are absolutely killing me. I figure all my gear I carry around is about 85 lbs or so and that's with out ammunition. It's been really hot, and with as much water as I try and drink, I just don't think it is enough. My lips are constantly chapped (that could be the sun exposure also).
For the most part however, we do have a decent amount of down time. Sometimes, it is a bit much, other times it's much needed. For example, the day after we shoot, Friday morning I have a class at 09. OUCH!
I keep forgetting to get a picture of me in all my battle rattle, but I promise to get that hooked up soon. But for now, it's getting late and I am off to bed.
We have been getting quite the run around between the USAF and USA trying to work together. Fortunately, on my level, I don't see as much as there actually is. I am currently using a lot of my down time to try and sort out all of my issued gear. I plan on snail mailing a lot of it over there (who needs cold weather gear in Iraq in AUGUST?), mostly for the sake of not having to lug it all over Kuwait and Iraq.
I know you all appreciate my incredible grace and love to poke fun at me any time you can. Well, my lucky readers, today is the golden opportunity. I gave myself a concussion. A mild one, albeit, but a concussion non-the less. You ready to hear how it happened? I hit my head on the bunk bed! Yes, that is my combat training injury. I am fine now, and the bruising has went away.
I'm not sure what class is on the calender for tomorrow, but on Thursday we get to spend the entire day out at the range. We will leave around 08 and be back in about 03! Yippeeee! It's army training on the pop up targets.
My back, neck and shoulders are absolutely killing me. I figure all my gear I carry around is about 85 lbs or so and that's with out ammunition. It's been really hot, and with as much water as I try and drink, I just don't think it is enough. My lips are constantly chapped (that could be the sun exposure also).
For the most part however, we do have a decent amount of down time. Sometimes, it is a bit much, other times it's much needed. For example, the day after we shoot, Friday morning I have a class at 09. OUCH!
I keep forgetting to get a picture of me in all my battle rattle, but I promise to get that hooked up soon. But for now, it's getting late and I am off to bed.
Sunday, July 6, 2008
I am American Airman
It's hard sometimes to stay focused. I have to constantly remind myself, that despite all the pain and heartache I am going through that it is for a reason. I have a good understanding of why we are in Iraq, but that doesn't mean that I really want to be there. I think it's a selfless experiance. My biggest reason for volunteering for this assignment is to get that checkmark for my military experiance. How proud can another military member be if they have never deployed. Believe me when I say I am scared. I am nervous. I am not alone though. There are (first of all) how many American men and women serving in the middle east? Secondly, I thought I came over here without anyone to miss me. I have seen the support of my close and tight knit group of friends from Biloxi. I have seen the compassion from my brothers and sisters all over the world. I miss you all. Over this long weekend I have gotten to talk to most of you. There are a few I haven't been able to get a hold of but I have not forgotten.
I don't think I could do this mission if we were in another un-supportive community as such during the Vietnam War. There is one distinct occasion during my flight to Kansas that made me want to cry. I met a six year old boy with Autism. He is my hero, even when he said I was his. I'll never forget that moment. I only hope he could understand how much it meant to me. I was sitting at the gate waiting for my plane when he ran up to me, his mother just a few steps behind me. He looked at me with these sweet, dream-filled eyes. What came out of his mouth was enough to break any grown persons bearing. "May I hug you?"
I don't think I could do this mission if we were in another un-supportive community as such during the Vietnam War. There is one distinct occasion during my flight to Kansas that made me want to cry. I met a six year old boy with Autism. He is my hero, even when he said I was his. I'll never forget that moment. I only hope he could understand how much it meant to me. I was sitting at the gate waiting for my plane when he ran up to me, his mother just a few steps behind me. He looked at me with these sweet, dream-filled eyes. What came out of his mouth was enough to break any grown persons bearing. "May I hug you?"
Monday, June 23, 2008
kansas
Hey Everyone! I am in Kansas and all settled in my dorm room with five other females. There are three that are on my team and I will go through training with and to Iraq with. Additionally, we have an army medic who leaves in about a month for iraq and another female who is going to Afghanistan. These first couple weeks have been briefings and now we are getting into the class portions. Right now we are focusing heavy on Arabic and "Understanding The Insurgency." Wow, I am just blown away by how much I thought I knew,but actually didn't. We have a four day pass for fourth of july and havent' decided what to do with it. I don't really have the money to fly anywhere.
Things seem kinda laid back, but then again, it's just the classroom portion. It is weird to be on the other side of the classroom! I am excited about the comm equipment portion. We will be working with the VRC 91A, the DAGR and the MBITR! All equipment I have taught! yay! Hopefully I'll learn a couple of cool new things.
Next week is only a three day week, but it will be busy none the less. We arm up with our M4s and M9s on Monday and turn them in on Friday Nights. We have every Sunday off. If you want to call, call then! I go to bed early, and get up early. It does make for a really long day, but honestly, I seem to be on the same schedule as I was at the School House in Keesler.
I have met some cool people so far, but believe me when I say I am lonely. I am sure some of you are sick of hearing me talk about Sean,but I do miss him. I often wonder if this would be easier. But hey, don't be mean. There isn't much to do here.
My wireless is 40 bucks a month, there is no common area (except for outside and the bathrooms! LOL) And not having a car makes it a little difficult to get around this HUGE but beautiful Fort!
The weather has been amazing. I have some how managed to sleep through every storm we have had here.
how does that happen when i woke up for every single one when I was In Biloxi?
Well, It's getting pretty late.
I love you and miss you tons!
ABC sends
Things seem kinda laid back, but then again, it's just the classroom portion. It is weird to be on the other side of the classroom! I am excited about the comm equipment portion. We will be working with the VRC 91A, the DAGR and the MBITR! All equipment I have taught! yay! Hopefully I'll learn a couple of cool new things.
Next week is only a three day week, but it will be busy none the less. We arm up with our M4s and M9s on Monday and turn them in on Friday Nights. We have every Sunday off. If you want to call, call then! I go to bed early, and get up early. It does make for a really long day, but honestly, I seem to be on the same schedule as I was at the School House in Keesler.
I have met some cool people so far, but believe me when I say I am lonely. I am sure some of you are sick of hearing me talk about Sean,but I do miss him. I often wonder if this would be easier. But hey, don't be mean. There isn't much to do here.
My wireless is 40 bucks a month, there is no common area (except for outside and the bathrooms! LOL) And not having a car makes it a little difficult to get around this HUGE but beautiful Fort!
The weather has been amazing. I have some how managed to sleep through every storm we have had here.
how does that happen when i woke up for every single one when I was In Biloxi?
Well, It's getting pretty late.
I love you and miss you tons!
ABC sends
Friday, June 13, 2008
It's the final countdown
I leave for Ft Riley on Sunday. I am so nervous I am making myself sick. Everyone keeps telling me it's normal to be like this. I suppose that is acceptable, but I just want it to go away. I really don't care to see the CC and First Sergeant again. I''m sure they are going to the airport just to make sure I am really gone.
I have no idea what I am really into. All I know is to keep my head down. Really?
If you thought your life was ever upside down and goint through hell, I have to tell you this is something completely different. This is more intense. It's ten degrees warmer, every room, right now. Your comfortable bed becomes hard as rock. Your clothes don't fit because you lost so much weight from worry. You aren't hungry but your stomach aches. Things that calmed you down make you jittery. Is this really what it's suppose to be like? Are you sure this is normal?
Then I remember how I ended up in this situation. I would have done anything to have been with him. I don't think, right now, I can get over volunteering for him.
Cheers, here's to the next 15 months.
I have no idea what I am really into. All I know is to keep my head down. Really?
If you thought your life was ever upside down and goint through hell, I have to tell you this is something completely different. This is more intense. It's ten degrees warmer, every room, right now. Your comfortable bed becomes hard as rock. Your clothes don't fit because you lost so much weight from worry. You aren't hungry but your stomach aches. Things that calmed you down make you jittery. Is this really what it's suppose to be like? Are you sure this is normal?
Then I remember how I ended up in this situation. I would have done anything to have been with him. I don't think, right now, I can get over volunteering for him.
Cheers, here's to the next 15 months.
Sunday, May 25, 2008
To kill some writer's block
1. list 20 things you want to say to 20 different people but know you never will.
2. Dont say who they are.
3. Feel free to comment, but dont confirm or answer anything.
4. Never Discuss it again.
1. You are the best. You are my escape from the world. When you locked me out of your life, you locked me in mine. All I want is my best friend back.
2. You know that things are fucked up and wrong. Why don't you help? Why watch a child drown when you could at least call for help? Are you scared? Or do you not know where you stand? Either way, the answer is messed up. Your insecurities should not be the death of someone else.
3. You are the most bluntly honest person I know, and I love it. You would say what you thought of people to their face instead of typing it in here if the moment were right. I haven't seen you much lately and it makes me sad because you're a great person to hang out with. You don't give a shit and you're the bravest little person I know. I'm not afraid to tell you anything because I know you're judgmental but in the right way.
4. You have ruined me for all the other men in the world. No man will ever stand a chance and mostly because I trusted you. You lied and hurt me in a way that no fist or knife could ever compare.
5. I miss you. I didn't realize it until just a little bit ago and you have been out of my life for almost three years, but I do miss you. It's unreal how it all happened. The last few days we actually talked were the best days of our relationship and now I have no idea. I often wonder if things could have been different in a different setting. I know I was a handful. I had no idea what I was doing to you, or even myself. I am sorry for the way I treated you. If it could be done all over, I would never let it happen like that.
6. I would be dead if it wasn't for you.
7. I am jealous of your love you two share. You remind me of Troy.
8. Hi.
9. I hate it when you think girls don't like you because you are too nice. It's not that you are too nice, it's that you will smother them until they can't breathe. Step back, don't rush things and just be patient.
10. If you weren't his friend, I would love to be your friend.
11. Maybe I did kinda do things wrong. However, I did love him. I still do. I know I hurt you. I am sorry.
12. You have no idea what happened behind these four walls of my home. Don't tell me I did the wrong thing. He lied and manipulated everyone. Of course everyone thought we were happy. I don't go airing my dirty laundry out in the open. How are things with your wife? I am sure you would say, "Oh, just fine." Yeah. Okay. You also have a mental painting of the way you see your brother and that I respect. You will never understand.
13. I love the way you say hey. I love the way you jump in and know I will hate you for it, but you also know it's the best thing for me. I love the way you are always there.
14. You will be an amazing mommy. I am so happy for all of your success in love. I am so grateful to have met you. The stories we have shared and the memories are breathtaking. As far as women go, you are the most inspirational and well rounded character I have ever met. You will be an amazing mommy.
15. Ugh, will you just get over it?
16. And the relevance of your experiences are what? I hate you, you classic ONE-UPPER-YOU.
17. You did the right thing.
18. I did what is best for me.
19. Let her go. She's happy.
20. Please come home.
2. Dont say who they are.
3. Feel free to comment, but dont confirm or answer anything.
4. Never Discuss it again.
1. You are the best. You are my escape from the world. When you locked me out of your life, you locked me in mine. All I want is my best friend back.
2. You know that things are fucked up and wrong. Why don't you help? Why watch a child drown when you could at least call for help? Are you scared? Or do you not know where you stand? Either way, the answer is messed up. Your insecurities should not be the death of someone else.
3. You are the most bluntly honest person I know, and I love it. You would say what you thought of people to their face instead of typing it in here if the moment were right. I haven't seen you much lately and it makes me sad because you're a great person to hang out with. You don't give a shit and you're the bravest little person I know. I'm not afraid to tell you anything because I know you're judgmental but in the right way.
4. You have ruined me for all the other men in the world. No man will ever stand a chance and mostly because I trusted you. You lied and hurt me in a way that no fist or knife could ever compare.
5. I miss you. I didn't realize it until just a little bit ago and you have been out of my life for almost three years, but I do miss you. It's unreal how it all happened. The last few days we actually talked were the best days of our relationship and now I have no idea. I often wonder if things could have been different in a different setting. I know I was a handful. I had no idea what I was doing to you, or even myself. I am sorry for the way I treated you. If it could be done all over, I would never let it happen like that.
6. I would be dead if it wasn't for you.
7. I am jealous of your love you two share. You remind me of Troy.
8. Hi.
9. I hate it when you think girls don't like you because you are too nice. It's not that you are too nice, it's that you will smother them until they can't breathe. Step back, don't rush things and just be patient.
10. If you weren't his friend, I would love to be your friend.
11. Maybe I did kinda do things wrong. However, I did love him. I still do. I know I hurt you. I am sorry.
12. You have no idea what happened behind these four walls of my home. Don't tell me I did the wrong thing. He lied and manipulated everyone. Of course everyone thought we were happy. I don't go airing my dirty laundry out in the open. How are things with your wife? I am sure you would say, "Oh, just fine." Yeah. Okay. You also have a mental painting of the way you see your brother and that I respect. You will never understand.
13. I love the way you say hey. I love the way you jump in and know I will hate you for it, but you also know it's the best thing for me. I love the way you are always there.
14. You will be an amazing mommy. I am so happy for all of your success in love. I am so grateful to have met you. The stories we have shared and the memories are breathtaking. As far as women go, you are the most inspirational and well rounded character I have ever met. You will be an amazing mommy.
15. Ugh, will you just get over it?
16. And the relevance of your experiences are what? I hate you, you classic ONE-UPPER-YOU.
17. You did the right thing.
18. I did what is best for me.
19. Let her go. She's happy.
20. Please come home.
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